Sometimes Bibles are Heavy

My little 2 year old is sitting in the corner of my living room with his Bible stories book on his lap. It’s quite the book. While most of his books are about the Bible, this particular volume seemed to be an acquired taste. I am pretty sure that is because it literally weighs 10 pounds. I found it at a book sale for $6 about a year ago. It has an inscription from a grandmother on the inside of it. It is an exhaustive collection of short, accurate stories, each with a beautiful full page drawing. I’m sure it was at least $30-$40 new. It’s pages are gold lined so it glows amongst his other books. He has only recently started reading it and he can only walk around with it because of his Samson-like strength.

So, I’m getting a head start on my taxes. I read some of Ezekiel while I was eating lunch during his nap and I wanted to read more, but I kept thinking about our taxes. We run our own company so doing taxes at the end of the year is a beast. But I have been pressing into the Holy Spirit’s sweet Presence and I really wanted to go into my room. Welcome to my life, I’m a Martha learning to a be a Mary. The taxes won. I felt really proud of myself. I am three months into one account, double-checking charges and marking checks for 1099s. We have seven accounts… I will have to do this on all of them. Yeah, I am being productive!

Then, my little son catches my eye, heaving his Bible book into his lap. He sits down on the folded comforter on our wood floor and the book slides down his legs towards the floor. Undeterred, he pulls it up to his lap and sits farther back on the comforter. Finally, after getting situated, he starts turning the pages. “Muito agua,” he quietly exclaims as he looks over the page about the flood. I watch him out of the corner of my eye so as not to draw his attention away from the book.

“God, You know my life.” This is often how my prayers begin these days. They come while I’m changing diapers, while I’m cleaning my flood, making dinner, washing dishes, and doing taxes. He does know my life. He gave me the blessings of a husband, a son, a house, food to cook, clothes to wash, the list goes on. When I read Proverbs 31, I see that God recognizes the sometimes mundane work of a woman and honors her for it. I also read that He honored Mary instead of Martha because Mary sought the imperishable things of God. It’s such a fine line to walk. I sometimes reminisce about the days when my life was simpler, but these are all BLESSINGS that I prayed for. And yet, in God’s grace, I can walk through them gracefully. When I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit, my life takes a more ethereal shape – less predictable, more moment-to-moment, inexplicably complete – things get done eventually and I feel His Presence more tangibly.

I don’t do New Years resolutions. Since the New Year starts in Spring according to the Bible, I don’t see much point in them. I have this one pursuit and I will continue striving for it. I want to know God. I want to seek the face of my Creator more ardently than ever before. I want to know the Holy Spirit more deeply. I want to hunger and thirst after righteousness. I want to press into His Presence continually. I want to hear and recognize His voice. I want to serve Him in every way humanly possible. I want more than to be plucked out of the fire. I want to live thirsty.

I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. – Psalm 143:6 ESV

O God, you are my God; I will seek you diligently. My soul thirsts for you; my flesh longs for you as in a dry and weary land without water. – Psalm 63:1 LEB

For I will pour out water on a thirsty land and streams on dry ground. I will pour my spirit out on your descendants and my blessing on your offspring. – Isaiah 44:3 LEB

Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LordAnd they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall run to and fro to seek the word of the Lord, and shall not find it. In that day shall the fair virgins and young men faint for thirst. – Amos 8:11-13 KJV

Now on the last day of the feast—the great day—Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me, and let him drink, the one who believes in me. Just as the scripture said, ‘Out of his belly will flow rivers of living water.’” Now he said this concerning the Spirit, whom those who believed in him were about to receive. For the Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus had not yet been glorified.) – John 7:37-39 LEB

And the one seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new!” And he said, “Write, because these words are faithful and true.” And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the one who is thirsty I will give water from the spring of the water of life freely. The one who conquers will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be my son. – Revelations 21:5-7 LEB

 And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And the one who hears, let him say, “Come!” And the one who is thirsty, let him come. The one who wants, let him take the water of life freely. – Revelations 22:17 LEB

The Bible tells me that I was made to be thirsty and I am. Sometimes I have so much longing in my heart, I don’t even know what to do with myself. When I was younger, I thought, “I’m just bored. I’m longing for adventure.” When I grew up and moved across the country, I though, “I miss my family. I must be longing for them.” When I started actively pursuing God, I realized that this is the pull of heaven. I long for the living water of God. I long for the Presence of His Spirit. I long for the end of all things when I will be immersed in His Presence and Light forever, where I will have the water of life freely.

I don’t know where this New Years finds you. Maybe you’re living off the fat of the land, too full to feel thirst. Maybe you’re lifting your head from the pig’s trough to find there’s better food in your Father’s house. Maybe you’re in the center of His will, seeking to know Him better. Wherever you are, it doesn’t matter. Our purpose is the same.

Instead of making a New Years resolution that you won’t keep (or remember past February), commit your New Year to a new pursuit. Resolve to seek the Presence of God in your life, to know the Holy Spirit like a friend, to hear the voice of God because you’re finally listening for it. Sometimes your Bible will feel heavy, your voice will sound hollow and your tears will be more plentiful than laughter, but if you press through your feelings into His Presence, this will be the most amazing, fulfilling, worthwhile year of your life.

2 thoughts on “Sometimes Bibles are Heavy

  1. Pingback: Unrepentantly Blessed – Part 3: The Radical Giver | Gittel Fruma

  2. Pingback: Unrepentantly Blessed – Part 1: It all started with Abraham… | Gittel Fruma

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